The letter is written on a parchment scroll in red paint streaked with dirt and water.
Sorry to disturb you, Your High and Mighty Monkness, but I just don't know who else to turn to.
You see I and several of my mates tend the garden in the Queen's palace. Her Majesty is very particular about her garden and very proud about showing it off. She's having a tea and croquet party to show off the red rose border we planted last season. They just started blooming today and the flipping roses are white! We must've gotten the seeds mixed up! Its been raining so she hasn't seen the garden yet but the moment the sun comes out, we're all for the chop.
I hope this reaches you quickly. I had to bury it beneath a rose bush.