The letter was written using a fountain pen on fancy hotel stationary with L'hôtel de Grande Classe on the top.
Pilgrims,
This is Agent Bong (James Bong), otherwise known as ZZ7, and we have a situation here. It started off routinely enough -- a power-mad megalomaniac with a doomsday device and a plan to conquer the known universe -- but somehow things have spiraled out of control and now we face something far worse: a complete end of all fiction in the universe.
I know it sounds unlikely, but if Dr. Borg's Universal Editor comes on line, he will use it to turn every piece of writing, speech or art into absolute representations of reality. There will be no room for art, metaphor, magic or anything but mundane, everyday reality.
And I'm afraid he's got me trapped -- locked in a fiction-proof room where no secret agent trick, no plot device, no wile will avail me. So it's up to you, pilgrims: he must be convinced to stop. Or he must be stopped. Or the world will be a much sadder place.
I have, I hope, found a place where I can slide this letter past the limits of the fiction-proof zone so it can make its way to your temple (at least for the moment -- when his diabolic device is finished, such magic will no longer exist!). Godspeed and good luck!