The letter is typed (and punched) on a series of oak tag punch cards.

MONKS!

STEAM IS OUR FUTURE - ALWAYS HAS BEEN, ALWAYS WILL BE!

HERE ON OUR WORLD WE HAVE BEEN ENGAGED FOR DECADES IN THE CONSTRUCTION OF AN ENORMOUS STEAM-POWERED MECHANICAL COMPUTER (THE STEAMIAC) TO CALCULATE THE EXACT MOTIONS OF THE LITTLE WORLDS IN ORDER TO IMPROVE NAVIGATION AND TRADE.

THE STEAMIAC IS ENORMOUS, COVERING ONE AND A HALF COUNTIES TO A HEIGHT OF A 100 METERS AND BURROWING INTO THE DEPTHS BY AN EQUAL AMOUNT. OVER THE YEARS, FED BY THE READY AVAILABILITY OF HEAT AND WATER, IT HAS DEVELOPED ITS OWN ECOSYSTEM. MANY UNIQUE SPECIES OF MOLDS, FUNGI, PLANTS AND ANIMALS LIVE WITHIN ITS CORRIDORS. INSECTS HAVE DONE PARTICULARLY WELL IN THIS ENVIRONMENT, OFTEN GROWING TO ENORMOUS SIZE. THIS SIZE UNFORTUNATELY MEANS THAT WHEN THESE GIANT INSECTS GET CAUGHT IN THE STEAMIAC'S GEARS, IT BRINGS THE MACHINE TO A CRASHING HALT. OUR PROGRAMMERS ARE MOST UPSET, AND GRACE BROOKS, OUR CHIEF OF PROGRAMMING, IS ON THE VERGE OF RESIGNING.

WE HAVE TRIED CONVENTIONAL INSECTICIDES, BUT THE INSECTS DEVELOPED IMMUNITIES RATHER FASTER THAN OUR MAINTENANCE CREWS DID. WE HAVE TRIED HUNTING THEM WITH GUNS AND DOGS, BUT SOME OF THE SPECIES HAVE TURNED OUT TO BE VERY DANGEROUS, AND THE CHIEF OF MAINTENANCE REFUSES TO SEND ANY FURTHER CREWS OUT FOR THIS PURPOSE. THUS, MONKS, WE HAVE TURNED TO YOU. CAN YOUR PILGRIMS HELP US? OUR MOST LAUDABLE PROJECT IS IN REAL DANGER OF FAILING!

THIS MESSAGE WILL BE PLACED IN A WATERPROOF WAXED ENVELOPE AND DROPPED IN THE BIT-BUCKET FOR TRANSMISSION TO YOUR TEMPLE.

YOURS,

ALFRED HOPPER,
CHIEF OF PROJECT.

Reminds me of Nausicaa!

Now that a re-read this letter, I'm reminded that a moth got into one of the earliest mechanical computers, thus becoming the very first computer bug. Is that what you're referencing here, Peter?

Among other things. :)

"STEAM IS OUR FUTURE - ALWAYS HAS BEEN, ALWAYS WILL BE!" is a double reference: first to Professor Steamhead from Ninja High School; and second, to the old ironic comment that "Brazil was the country of the future, and always would be".

"STEAMIAC" is of course a takeoff on a number of early computer models such as the ENIAC, the ILLIAC's and of course the various Univacs.

"GRACE BROOKS" and "ALFRED HOPPER" are takeoffs on two real people: Grace Hopper, who is (among many other things), the person who found the moth; and Fred Brooks, who wrote the seminal software project management book, The Mythical Man Month.

I like to pack in the references when I can. :)